RAF Kinloss – Part Two – Inverness Aquadome

Come back for more? Hurrah.

I should probably do some explaining here. Towards the end of the week we did more fun activities, such as a very short lived water balloon fight (have you ever been hit by a water balloon? Those things hurt, man!) and Ten-Pin Bowling which, to me, was deeply unfair.

I’m not crap at bowling. My ball was magnetically attracted to the gutters, I swear!

That doesn’t really bring us to the Inverness Aquadome. But I don’t care.

The Aquadome! Kind of like Europa Pools (Our local moistworld) on steroids. This thing had ‘awesome’ flumes!

The Cyclone

Yeah. You lie down in this one, go very fast then land in some water. Average.

The Vortex

This slide is, quite possibly the most infuriating thing in the history of swimming pools. The idea was that you would go down a normal slide in a rubber donut thing for a bit, then go into a whirlpool at one side, go around 180 degrees and go down another tube. At least in theory. In reality you go into the whirlpool, then go around… and around and around and around for all eternity while a pipe above drips ice-cold water on to you. Pretty much everyone I saw got stuck in the first whirlpool until they gave up, got off their donut, (which would invariably turn over if you even hinted at getting off it), dragged it to the other pipe, hopped back on it (turning it over again) and going down. After TEN MINUTES of rotation that’s eventually what I did. And guess what they had put at the bottom of that little bit of tube?

ANOTHER WHIRLPOOL.

And another one ofter that. This slide isn’t so much a water ride as a life ambition – get down it without starving.

The Loch Ness Monster

Now this was good. This thing has a vertical drop in it. It takes two seconds to get from top to bottom as you fall about four storeys. Riding it is like this: you slide down a slope that gets very steep (like 80 degrees or something) very fast, then you feel zero gravity. Then you hit the bottom of the tube again, doing about mach 4. Then your femurs shatter as you hit a wall of water designed to slow you down, but instead rips your face off. Then you drown. All in all, jolly good fun. And the queue was tiny as people were too scared to go on it. Or they knew it’s wrath.

There is more to the Aquadome than this, but it’s getting late so I’ll write more tomorrow. Goodnight!

-James

© James Plant, 2008.
All trademarks acknowledged.

Haggis etc!

Wahoo’s-a-plenty! I can go to RAF Kinloss! So, a week off school to go flying and walking and that sort of thing in the only country in the UK I haven’t visited yet. Yipee.

To business.

Mood: Dozy

Beverage: ASDA brand cream soda

Shopping is an easy thing to do. You enter the store, purchase the desired wares and then you leave the store. However, ASDA have found a way to completely screw things up. Come with me, into… THE FUTURE!!

AUTOMATED TILLS.

These are the most tedious things in the history of grocery shopping. You see, my Mother has suddenly decided she wants to be eco-friendly. That means no plastic carriers. That means filling the house with these weird raffia bags that everywhere sells you. The stupid tills don’t work with them. They don’t actually tell you this, so you’re left to wonder why on earth the machine is saying that there is an ‘unexpected item in bagging area’ and repeatedly summoning a grumpy woman from the help desk.

Once the woman has reprogrammed the machine, it decides that it works with the stupid grass bags, but then it has a tantrum if you dare to move the damn things.

I had the tenacity to (accidentally) move one of the bags when I thought we were finished. We wern’t. Sirens blared, searchlights swept around, angry dogs barked and the grumpy woman got up from behind her little desk to tell us off.

Yep, those things are stupid. USE THE STAFFED TILL.

This blog written by James Plant
All trademarks acknowledged.