iPad. If I hear another word about it, especially from the Daily Mail, I will resort to violence. And we all know how undignified that is.
Being faced with having to write about the f**king thing in order to get any traffic from the inevitable search spike, I’m going to drop this one by the wayside and write about what I want to write about. What iWant. Damn.
Here’s the story. Just earlier I was rooting through one of my many boxes of junk.
These things are everywhere. What did I find inside, you ask? Well, back in the 90’s, Tonka Toys made a range of toys called Motorix. These consisted of several blocks and several bases which could be used to make any vehicle you liked. While each set came with parts for three set vehicles, any part could be mated with any other part to make some weird-ass vehicles.
Pristine in this box are some which I made many years ago. Lets examine.
The blocks could be used to make some fairly sensible things if you were a bit boring. Clearly I was when I made this. The engine, cab and nose-piece are all separate pieces of tiny plastic that stick on to the wheel base. For reference, this is just over two inches long.
I haven’t a bloody clue what this is. A plane? A submarine? A spaceship? Who knows. The top once played host to a spring loaded rocket launcher that was a fantastic tool for flinging hundreds of tiny plastic pieces about the place. It’s kind of a pity it’s gone. I miss you, spring loaded rocket launcher.
I should probably have apologised by now for my frankly disgusting carpet. I think it’s made of compressed navel fluff.
Or giant tape decks on each side.
This was the colossus. The best piece. The piece with such awesomeness that not even my camera can capture it in focus. This s**t is powerful. This piece was one of the coolest in my set. For those who haven’t worked it out, it’s a walker. And it actually works, too. Wind it up with that little dial up there and it actually walks off while making one hell of a racket. Even now I think this is cool as hell but back in the day it was the one piece I used for absolutely everything. My God, it was awesome.
It’s a terrible shame that the spring inside is completely knackered. All it does now is wobble in a feeble manner. Still makes a horrible din.
In conclusion, it’s incredibly hard to find any information on these things. Googling Motorix brings up the website of a Taiwanese shock absorber manufacturer. Apparently these are still sold occasionally on eBay, so if you have an urge to try out one of the coolest toys of my childhood and damn the expense, go right ahead.
I’m off to go and whine about the iPad on as many message boards as I can find.
– Mr. Plant.